Happy World Book Day 2017! Books are great, aren’t they? And I’m not just saying that because they pay my mortgage. They really are wonderful things, and here are just a few of the reasons why:
They stop your shelves looking naked.
You can place them artfully on a table to make your home look like hipster heaven.
You can use them to kill spiders.
You can cut out the middle and make a secret book safe to hide things in.
Some of them open the doors to mysterious hidden rooms.
You can beat someone up with them. This is definitely true because I saw Jason Bourne do it once.
You can press flowers in them. I’m not sure what you’re meant to do with the flowers after that, though.
You can try throwing them at mice if you find one in your bathroom and don’t have a clue what else to do. Apparently. Says a friend who is definitely not me.
They make a great backdrop for pictures of jewellery on Etsy.
You can put one under the leg of a wonky table.
They make great monitor risers. The Microsoft Excel 2003 Bible is the perfect height, FYI.
You can hide behind them when you don’t want to interact with other human beings on public transport.
You can annoy your parents by keeping hundreds of them in their loft even though you’re 35 and moved out more than a decade ago.
They are a secret door into someone else’s brain. Not literally. Not like in Being John Malkovich. That would just be weird.