Spend Some Time Inside My Head

Right then. Let’s get to work.

I’m not going to go on Twitter at all today.

But Twitter is part of my social media strategy.

OK, five minutes on Twitter.

OK, but that half an hour is ALL YOU CAN HAVE TODAY.

I can’t remember the proper grammar term for this. I wonder if Googling “ing verb not right” will help.

Wow. That actually does help.

I always forget that grammar term. I should write it down somewhere. This notebook will do.

Oh, look at that, I wrote that down last time and forgot about it.

Is this sentence true? Better fact-check this.

I hope no one is monitoring my search history for how many times I look up facts about assault rifles.

Or ejaculation.

Or how long it takes a horse to bleed to death.

I’m definitely on some kind of watch list, aren’t I?

Is that even physically possible? *shouts down the hall at husband* “Come here and pretend to punch me while you’re lying down.”

It’s cold in here. I should turn the heating on. It’s a legitimate business expense.

No, just put a jumper on. You don’t need the heating on.

Weakling.

But least I’m weak and warm now.

When was the last time I had a conversation with someone I didn’t give birth to?

Can I even remember how conversations go?

WORD, WHAT DID YOU JUST DO?

Seriously, Word, this is not OK.

WHY HAVE YOU OPENED THE REVIEWING PANE? I DON’T WANT THE REVIEWING PANE!

Isn’t “deliver” a funny word when you think about it?

So is “eyebrow”.

And “flexing”.

All words are now funny. All sentences have lost all meaning. It’s definitely time for a cup of tea.